Posts tagged grammar

I just finished my Advanced Grammar midterm, and I just noticed that I have six small hives on the back of my right leg. Hives have become a part of my body’s way of dealing with stress. It used to freak me out in undergrad, but it doesn’t phase me in grad school.

You know what does bother me? Condescension. It’s one of my least favorite qualities. In my grammar class, we’re required to post to an online forum. A couple of my classmates really love to get on their high horses and congratulate themselves for spotting the misuse of “your/you’re” on Facebook. Whoop-di-do. You must be a freakin’ genius. I just feel lucky to know enough about grammar to know that I’m practically illiterate. I graduated from one of the toughest journalism schools in the nation, and there’s a lot more to grammar than there/their/they’re. Micro-editing for correct grammar is hard. Copy editors are nocturnal mole creatures who break down the rules of the AP style guide to the smallest fractions possible, like an ant picking a piece of dandruff off of her baby’s head and looking at it under a teeny-tiny ant microscope. That is how insanely intense and small grammar can be.

One of my classmates loves to bitch about how lazy people are “nowadays.” In her latest post, I counted 17 grammatical errors. I want to point this out to her, but I’d feel terrible if I humiliated her. I guess I am just waiting for her to make an overly arrogant post, and then I’m going to snap.

I always feel like such a grammatical badass whenever I use a semicolon. Fuck conjunctions; I’mma use a semicolon.